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you have a wife to meet?"
He sat back down. "No. I never did find the right person. You?"
"Same here, I guess."
"Glad you two could hit it off," Lisa said to them both. "I'll send you a bill
for matchmaking services if it goes anywhere. Gotta go now though. 'Bye!" And
she was gone.
Toby looked over at the attractive young woman. "Well, the dinner invitation
still stands."
"I've had a curry house recommended to me, if you like that sort of thing."
"Fine with me. There's a Hindu communal farm just southeast of the capital in
Luck that's been a regular haunt of mine. I've gotten a real taste for it."
"You ought to be stuck in a place that thinks monkey on a stick is a
delicacy," she responded.
"Come on."
There was a natural tendency on the part of both of them to be wary, not only
because of being bitten in the past, but also simply as a reaction to Lisa's
matchmaking. But the fact was that they did hit it off rather well right away.
They explored the town a little, finding several nice bars, some of which had
dancing. He protested that he hadn't danced in twenty years, but she promised
she wouldn't complain about being stepped on and that night, in fact, was the
best time he'd had in recent memory.
They'd stayed away from the high joints, but both of them were high as they
went back to their suites from the mixed drinks they'd had during the evening.
She invited him in and fixed them both a nightcap, then sat down with him and
did not resist when he put his arm around her.
The fact was, she reminded him a hell of a lot of Connie as she might have
been, or could have been, if she'd just taken proper care of herself and let
herself go a bit. He found himself telling
Mickey about her, although he wasn't sure why.
She listened, then asked, "Is that why you never married? You were in love
with her, weren't you? And you still blame yourself for what she did."
The comment startled him. Guilt he had, but now, for the first time, he
realized she was right.
He had fallen in love with the crazy programmer, but with the job so
complicated and so pressing and taking every single day and half the nights to
complete in the face of one crisis after another, he'd just never been able to
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pursue it.
"I I guess I did," he admitted, not only to Mickey but to himself. "Maybe
that's at the heart of it. Maybe if I had just told her . . ."
Mickey shook her head. "It wouldn't have done it, Toby. Your male ego's a bit
too big, I think.
She didn't do it for unrequited love. Not without making some move on you
first. Particularly not after you'd fucked her brains out in Flux, if you'll
pardon me."
He'd told her about that as well. It was part and parcel of it, after all.
"Well, I still think that whether she loved me or not, I weaved a spell or
cast a program that set her off."
"That may be true, but you only set off what was waiting to detonate anyway.
It would have, sooner or later. Would it shock you if I told you that I think
I understand her completely? That there were times when I might have done the
same thing as an alternative to slitting my wrists?"
"I had it, too, in the early days. So did a lot of men and women I knew and
worked with. There were more suicides in the early days than you know. It was
pretty well hushed up."
" never felt "
I
"
You were a workaholic giving birth to your own baby," she said, cutting him
off. "And in those years after it was all done and before they reactivated
your section, you went out with the Signals boys and played in the void to
keep from being bored out of your mind. You had the rank and assets to do
that. Most of us didn't."
She sighed. "Me, I coped the way some other coped. I used my computer to rough
out the edges, make me what I am today. Does that shock you?"
It surprised him, but didn't shock him.
"Nothing really dramatic," she told him. "I just took a build more like Lisa's
and put the curves in exactly right, and I shaved a whole lot off my height. I
used to be tall and it seemed to really turn the guys I was most interested in
off. I had a bunch of skintight outfits whipped up, had the supply computers
get me some open-toe shoes with heels, put on some jewelry, cosmetics, and
perfume, and I couldn't keep 'em away with a stick, even the ones who knew who
I was and what
I'd done who'd never given me a glance before." She looked suddenly very
determined. "I gave those suckers the door too. It was crazy, but it worked.
Daytimes I was still the boss and still working hard, but nights I'd allow
myself to be taken out by all sorts of people and I really slept around. Funny
thing was, I probably could have slept around with half those people without
changing anything, but the new image made me more, well, adventurous.
I can't even explain why. I didn't touch my brain at all."
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