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would soon fall asleep.
Somehow my system was already ripe for the experience. If it had not been
so, I would not have survived. This readiness of my system I owe to my
father and mother. They were ideal people, so whatever I have gained, I
owe more to them than to myself. It somehow seemed that it was a
predestined combination. My mother was the third wife of my father. One
had died and one was not mentally sound. Then he married a third time, and
there was a difference of something like twenty years between the ages of
the two. Somehow it created the eugenic factors for my nervous system and
brain to adjust itself to this powerful energy, which otherwise could have
ended in disaster.
After the awakening my dreams were in fairylands. According to Freud s
interpretation of dreams, or books by other authors, dreams appear to be
very strange and bizarre occurrences, sometimes causing fear, sometimes
creating distractions, etc. In my case, generally, the dreams are in fairylands,
in vast spaces, in the sky, on the ocean, of other forms of life, or other
beings, as if I live on a borderland between this world and the other. In
dreams, the other world, too, is revealed to me. I never have a nightmare,
never a frightful dream.
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The Roots of the Libido
Sigmund Freud s concept of the libido is of a psychic energy drawn from
the libidinous tendencies in human beings, that is, the reproductive energy.
But only from a psychic point of view. He does not say that it has organic
roots, although that is what Wilhelm Reich emphasizes, that the libido must
have roots in the organic structure of the body.
Our organisms depend upon food, and there must be some way by which
organic energy is transformed into psychic energy. Psychic energy is not
purely chemical energy nor is it purely electrical energy. Science is not
aware of how organic energy is transformed into psychic energy. Therefore,
Freud s concept of libido was restricted only to its psychic sphere, and he
gives no explanation nor description of its somatic base. In the seminal
energy of man, i.e., in the seminal fluids, there are two ingredients. One has
a subtle, volatile organic base which can at once be converted into a psychic
energy of greater potency. It is this energy which streams into the brain in
the form of liquid light. The other ingredient is the grosser biological part,
and it also goes to the brain through the spinal canal, and there it supplies
nourishment to the cells when the process of rejuvenation is going on.
What my experience tells me is that in the whole organic structure of the
body, and in the cells, there is a vital element, and the nerves collect this
vital element and concentrate it in the reproductive fluids, both in men and
in women. When there is a spiritual awakening, a reverse action takes place,
separating this vital element from the grosser elements, and as a radiation it
then streams into the brain to give rise to the phenomena associated with
mystical ecstasy.
For many years after my awakening, this light flowing into my brain
presented a different picture of the world to me. I seemed to see everything
whitish. It seemed as if the mirror - the observing mirror through which we
observe the universe subjectively - had a sort of white dust on it. For
instance, if I saw someone, or the clothes he or she was wearing, it appeared
to me that there was a thick coat of a white substance on it. I could not
understand or account for it for years. Then suddenly it began to get more
and more refined, and finally it became a silvery light.
After that, I began to see everything in a silvery lustre, both when I am
asleep and when I am talking or thinking. So the whole mechanism and the
stuff of the brain has changed. This is the most extraordinary thing that I
would like to have scientists investigate and know about. And this is not
peculiar to me only. All the pictures of saints and mystics, and of Christ,
show a halo around the head. Invariably this shows that the consciousness
of the saint, or the mystic, or Christ, or Buddha, is wrapped in light. There
are repeated references to this light in the scriptures. The soul is always
described as wearing a mantle of light.
This mantle of light is not perceived in normal consciousness. When there is
darkness, you only see the darkness, but in the case of the enlightened
person, there is light both externally to him or her and also internally. He or
she always perceives a halo of light always in his inner being. This which I
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call my Self, my soul, the observing mirror in me, is no longer as it was
before my awakening. It is now a glorious lamp, a glory, a wonder, always
in a state of lustre. This not only appeared suddenly but there occurred a
gradual process of refinement. As mentioned, in the first stages, there was
only a sort of whitish coat. But slowly, it became refined, which tells me
clearly that there is a biological transformation of some new substance after
the awakening which, as a radiation, goes to the brain and that some time is
needed to refine this radiation until it assumes a very lustrous and
entrancing form. This is mentioned in the ancient esoteric texts, and it
corresponds to what I experienced. First the reproductive energy went in a
grosser form, then more refined, then more refined, and finally in the form
in which I see it now.
This change is so radical that there must be something corresponding to it in
the blood and in the spinal fluid. I cannot say whether at this stage scientists
will be able to detect it, because their knowledge of the human body is still
not complete. But I am sure that once research is started they will be able to
find differences in the microbiological composition of the blood in the
course of a few years, because such a huge amount of the reproductive fluid
is absorbed back into the blood, the nervous system, and the brain, that there
must be some indication in the system to show that a new apparatus has
begun to work. This will be one of the signs of the enlightened man or
woman. The other sign, as I have mentioned, can be noticed during the
course of the transition, when the rebirth takes place and the life energy
begins to refashion the body. Then, one can definitely see signs of increased
metabolic activity in the system, in the heartbeat, the pulse, the flow of the
blood, the digestion and elimination.
These facts are mentioned in the ancient manuals that describe various spiritual
disciplines. For instance, it is clearly said that the digestive energy, digestive fire,
is highly increased as soon as the spiritual awakening occurs. They call it the di-
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