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different for us. This is holy; this is ordained by
God.'
'But you're my
Grandfather
!' I cried, bringing one hand up to my face to push his seeking, probing lips
away. One of his hands was trying to push down to my belly; I held it with my
other hand.
'Isis! We don't have to take any notice of the Unsaved's stupid rules! We're
marked out, we're special, we can do what we want and what God decrees! What
have their stupid rules and regulations got to do with our Holy Purpose?'
I was still wrestling with his hand as it tried to push down to my groin; his
bearded face was panting and sweating above me; he kissed my lips for a moment
but I twisted my head away.
'But I don't want to do this!' I wailed.
'
Want
?' he laughed bitterly. 'What has what either of us want got to do with this?
We do what God tells us to do! We both have to submit to Their will, Isis!
We both have to submit! We both have to trust; trust and believe! You
promised to trust; you promised to trust and believe, remember?'
'But not this!'
'Is your love of God conditional then, Isis?' he asked breathlessly, still
trying to work his sweat-slicked hand between my legs. His breathing was very
quick and urgent now and his face was bright red. 'Do you only do what God
insists you do when it suits you? Is that it? Is it?'
'No!' I spluttered, my own breathing becoming difficult as his weight bore
down on me. 'But this must be
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all a false signal! God would not demand this!'
'What? An act of love? What is that to demand? Did Buddha hesitate to
renounce all his worldly goods? Did Mohammed hesitate to take up arms and
make war? Did Abraham not take his son to the mountain to kill him, because
God demanded it? Would he not have done so if God had not stopped him? All
They demand here is an act of love, Isis; an act of love, to prove we are both
true! We both must submit
!' He gave a grunt and twisted his hand free of mine; it dived between my
tightly clenched legs, trying to finger my sex; I heaved and wriggled out from
underneath him, rolling away over the bed;
he grabbed at me, catching my ankle as I tried to stand, bringing me down on
all fours. 'Submit, Isis, submit! Prove your love for God!' He tried to mount
me from behind but I wrestled him off.
'This is not you!' I shouted, and scuttled away, grabbing up my clothes as I
stood on the bed's unsteady surface. 'God could not ask this!'
My Grandfather kneeled on the bed, his engorged manhood poking up at the
underside of his belly like a supporting strut. His face set into an
expression I had never seen before: a look of furious, seething loathing that
produced a terrible feeling of emptiness and sickness in me.
'You would deny God then, Isis?' he said thickly. I backed into a closed
door; it was the one to the bathroom, not the exit to the sitting room; he was
between me and it. He spread his arms wide. 'You would deny the sacrament
that is the holy joy of souls' communion.''
I leaned back against the door and pulled on one leg of my trousers. 'If God
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wanted this They would have spoken to me as well,' I said.
'They spoke to me
!' he roared, thumping himself on his chest with one fist. He lunged at me as
I stood on one leg to put my other leg in the trousers. I'd half expected he
would, and so was ready for him. I
jumped to one side and escaped him but dropped my jacket and socks onto the
bed. I hopped across the bed, dragging on the trousers and pulling them up,
my shirt wedged under one armpit. I had a clear run at the door to the
outside now. I stood there, breathing hard and looking at him as he stood up
by the bathroom door, a pale shadow in the flickering candlelight; his chest
and belly heaved with every breath. His penis had gone limp now. He wiped
his face with one hand.
'You Judas,' he breathed.
'Grandfather, please-' I began, pulling on my shirt.
'You heathen
!' he rasped, a tiny fleck of spittle arcing through the air caught in the
candlelight.
'Apostate! Infidel! Misbeliever! You Unsaved wretch
!'
'This is not fair, Grandfather,' I said, my voice almost breaking. I tucked
in my shirt tails. 'You are-'
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